8 Signs You’re Giving Too Much
Helping loved ones is a character quality. But it can happen that our good intentions become useless and dysfunctional .
The solution is not to stop helping completely, but to set limits when you are being abused.
Here are some red flags to help you know when you’re giving too much.
1. Your help fosters codependency, irresponsibility, incompetence or bad character
Sometimes we have to face the fact that our good intentions have gone wrong. This is obvious when you continually help the same person, even if you spend your own resources …
A healthy help promotes the growth of others, independence and the development of their potential. Use your energies and resources to help people and causes that truly benefit.
2. The other person has violated numerous agreements, always asks for help and does not use it to do what is promised
It is time to stop believing them and give opportunities to those who have shown they do not value them. At least until you have solid proof that they are ready to use your help to move forward in their life. Continuing will only keep that person failing and you will feel angry and resentful .
3. Your help causes the other person to stagnate in their life
You can be very useful when creating processes that facilitate the advancement of your friends in certain aspects. But if the help is excessive, you condemn them not to learn to develop their capacities.
Thus, you prevent them from developing new skills and discovering or exploring all their capabilities. This also applies to overprotective parents who avoid any failure for their children.
4. To help you must commit a dishonest act or compromise your integrity
Tricking others to help a friend or telling lies for him are two examples of unhealthy acts. You can’t help someone if it will make you disappoint others , keep very serious secrets, or break your moral code.
The worst thing is that if you continue you could find yourself under a ball of lies that really affect you …
5. You feel manipulated to help
Sometimes the manipulation is so obvious that we really feel uncomfortable. But if you are a person who feels guilty for saying no, you might ignore that instinct.
Just remember that manipulation is the sign that someone is looking to take advantage of you. Analyze the situation and if it really bothers you to give that help, avoid it.
6. It has become impossible to continue giving help
The limit of help is that point at which you begin to sacrifice your physical or mental health, your financial well-being or you fail to your principles.
Sometimes it is necessary to avoid helping when you really have nothing to contribute without putting yourself at risk. You can only help if you are okay.
7. Your relationships deteriorate or are simply irretrievably damaged
The help you give to others also makes you grow and improve in your relationships . If they start to be plagued with fraud, conflict, feelings of obligation or resentment are a problem.
It may be enough to zoom out a bit to see the situation from another perspective. In the worst case, the relationship may be completely fractured. If this happens, there is rarely something to do, but at least you will have the experience.
8. Your help prevents the other person from being healthy
No matter how optimistic you are, you have to learn to admit when someone has problems or challenges that require professional help.
Withdrawing help can help the other person gain control and cope with their situation . Your help will be more useful if you can connect the other person with the right professional resources. These can be a treatment, exercise, eat a healthy diet, etc.
We grow up in a society where we are taught that giving makes us good to others. But they rarely teach us to set limits and we grow without doing so. These limits are what make us feel more secure and guarantee that when we give, we do not get lost.
So, start setting your limits and giving yourself respect. You also have the right to take care of yourself.
