Anger, That Emotion That Controls Me
Anger is an emotion that can vary in intensity. Therefore, it can be experienced as a mild irritation or as a very intense rage. In the latter case, that is, when there is extreme anger, this emotion is accompanied by physiological changes, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure; as well as an elevation of certain hormones in the blood.
How anger is expressed
Anger is the natural response to threats, aggressiveness or as a fighting and defensive behavior when we are attacked. But, while it is true that a certain amount of anger is necessary for our survival, you cannot attack every person who annoys or irritates us, because social norms, moral values and common sense prevail.
Showing angry feelings in a non-aggressive way, that is, assertively is the healthy way to express anger. But always making it clear what your needs are and how to obtain them without harming others.
Therefore, the maladaptive way to express anger is to respond aggressively. And not only towards others, through gestures, insults or actions; but also towards oneself. When a person does not know how to channel that external anger and represses it, the anger can turn to the interior of yourself.
This tension can lead to hypertension, increased heart rate, and even a host of symptoms related to anxiety or depression. In addition, the behavior of the affected person may begin to obey a passive-aggressive pattern, that is, a way of indirectly taking revenge on people, without telling them why and based on hostility.
It should be noted that people who are criticizing all the time and all people have not learned to express their anger in a constructive way. Therefore, they are not likely to be successful in personal relationships. You will therefore have to learn to control both your external behavior and your internal tension.
How to control anger
There are some tools that can help you control those outbursts of anger that are affecting your relationships. Likewise, it can allow you to better manage your emotions. These are some ideas, put them into practice!
1. Relaxation
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm to relax, and slowly repeat a quiet word such as relax or calm . And visualize relaxing images, which help your muscles release tension … This will make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily, and especially in tense situations.
2. Cognitive restructuring
If you need it, consult a specialist to help you detect those negative thoughts that paralyze you and change them for more adaptive ones. It seems easy, but, sometimes, identifying those dysfunctional beliefs that are undermining us every day are not so obvious. This way you will learn to manage your anger.
3. Solve problems
When you get caught up in trying to find a solution to a problem and it seems unattainable, you can choose to take a different point of view. Instead of tirelessly trying to find solutions, you can shift to focusing on how to handle and deal with the problem. Do I get angry when I can’t find the solution quickly? Do I pay for it with the others? Do I find that I sleep worse when I don’t solve a problem?
4. Good communication
The first thing to do if you are in a heated argument is to take a deep breath. It is difficult, because at that moment we tend to be enraged and controlling ourselves is the last thing we think about. But if we calmly think about what we want to say and listen carefully to what the other is saying, we can prevent the situation from turning into a disaster.
We hope that all these tools help you better control your anger and thus improve your relationships and the communication you have with the people around you. Put them into practice, be aware and you will see how soon you will notice the expected results.
