I Don’t Need Anyone To Tell Me How To Be Happy

Happiness is not hidden behind magic formulas, and even less in the wisdom of those who believe they know everything, and they see themselves with the right to tell us which way to go and which people to avoid. To be happy is to take care of oneself to be authentic architects of our destinies, in freedom and in responsibility.

Everything we are, everything we have happens after a series of personal choices. Listening or being advised is always positive, but if we allow others to always guide all decisions, we will become secondary actors in the theater of our own existence.

As a curiosity, we will tell you that in the 40s the best-known and most prestigious study on happiness was carried out. The conclusions reached by the “Grant Study” reveal something that almost all of us intuit: loving and being loved is usually the key to happiness for most.

Now, for our part, we want you to reflect on something else:

Being happy is a subtle balance between control and freedom

What makes your parents or friends happy doesn’t have to make you happy. Each person is different and each world is governed by its laws, its ways of feeling, thinking and emotionally enriching itself. The key is to find our own “element”, that motivation loaded with meaning to make it our own.

Mihály Csíkszentmihályi is a very classic reference in the study of happiness. According to him, rather than aspiring to be happy, we should focus on what he calls the “optimal experience”, that is,  on that well-being in which our mind and emotions are harmonized, having full control of the situation and where, simply, we we let go or flow.

We analyze it in detail.

Happiness is control and freedom at the same time

• The optimal experiences are those in which we enjoy having full control over a certain activity.  We feel competent and guided by a high intrinsic motivation.

• During these optimal experiences errors, unforeseen events or unexpected turns may appear, there is no doubt, but the feeling that “we are free” to start over gives us a pleasant feeling of self-efficacy and … happiness.

The ability to let ourselves “flow”

, flow, an emotionally positive state of consciousness characterized by the following:

• Flow is a state in which we feel committed in mind and heart to what we do in the  “here and now.”

• The ego is deactivated and we enjoy a great inner balance when doing and feeling things that really define us, that are harmonized with our faculties, emotions and knowledge.

• Now, this  calm will be broken immediately if we lose control and allow ourselves to be carried away by the commands or opinions of others. So  instead of flowing we remain stranded. There is no movement or balance, what we will feel is a total disconnection with ourselves, with our essence.

What you do NOT need from others to be happy

If we reduce our search for happiness only to the aspiration to love and be loved, we will develop an unhealthy attachment  in which any disappointment, absence or disappointment leads to a serious personal crisis.

Once again, where we can also “flow”, free from tight ties, dependencies and fears. Because if there is something that we must be clear about, it is that happiness is above all, the absence of fear.

Since most of us know what we look for in people to feel good, let’s now reflect on what we DO NOT need from others to be happy.

• , it is an unnecessary source of suffering.

• . Limiting attitudes can be projected from parents to children or between couples, in a way that leads us to believe that we are not capable or fit for life.

• . The aspirations of others do not define you, they are not yours, so it will always be better to find your “element”, your motivation and make it the engine that gives power to your dreams and hopes every day.