Is Seeking Approval From Others Infidelity?

Most of us associate infidelity with betrayal, with the breakdown of trust and lying in the context of a relationship. Now, can you be unfaithful to yourself? Is it possible to betray the loving bond that we maintain with us?

The answer is yes. Stepping aside and ignoring our opinion to seek the approval of others is a way of practicing infidelity towards ourselves.

Thus, being afraid to show who we are and pretending to be who others want or want has its consequences. The most important of all: hide and betray our essence, that which makes us unique and unrepeatable. Let’s go deeper. 

What is infidelity?

Infidelity, infidelitas in Latin, takes place when an individual does not respect the loyalty he has agreed to with someone and thus betrays his trust. This can be given in many ways, but the most important thing is to take into account what were the agreements – implicit or explicit – that were initially established with the other person to determine the individual and joint meaning of infidelity.

Thus, when this occurs, it breaks the thread of trust between two people. In this way, one of the main pillars that sustain the bond disappears. That is when symptoms such as insecurity, irritability, fear, emotional lability and rejection appear.

On the contrary, maintaining a healthy relationship requires ingredients such as support, trust, protection, security and, above all, total acceptance of oneself and the other. If the recipe is followed well, the cake can be delicious.

Infidelity with ourselves

Despite the fact that infidelity is usually located in relationships, it is true that it can occur in the personal sphere, in the relationship we have with ourselves. We would be surprised if we reflected on the times we have ignored, stepped on or embarrassed ourselves in order to seek the approval of others.

Self-confidence is a difficult ingredient to achieve, especially for those who are constantly debating between being themselves or conforming to what others expect of them. The latter can be very powerful if you are afraid of rejection. In fact, many people in order not to feel rejected are capable of denying themselves completely.

In these cases, seeking the approval of others becomes a priority, giving little or no importance to their beliefs and emotions. In this way, the person is unfaithful to himself, to his tastes, values ​​and preferences and cultivates the seed of insecurity, which leads to a continuous questioning in relation to who he is and who he wants to be.

Guilt and desire to seek approval from others

Infidelity creates a dangerous game: it seeks the increase of desire, but, at the same time, experiences guilt for the break with one’s own values. Thus, it is not surprising that seeking the approval of others generates an exponential increase in self-esteem and happiness; yes of very limited duration.

The approval of others acts like the swaying of the waves : for the moment it generates that feeling of satisfaction and after a while it takes it away from us by changing social norms. That is why it is so important to anchor within ourselves; because what will remain consistent with ourselves is our essence. But, what leads us to value other people’s opinion more than our own?

The fundamental ingredient to create and maintain a bond is the acceptance of oneself and the other. The problem is that the bond is usually understood as the relationship with another person and we forget that the first person with whom we have to know how to relate is with ourselves. 

Thus, accepting who we are and what we want, despite the possible mismatch that may exist with what the world demands, is the support of self-confidence, the pillar to which we can cling to be true to ourselves.

Me and my character

When an infidelity occurs, everything that was believed in and in what the future plans had been projected disappears. Suddenly, reality breaks and mistrust is installed as a result of that situation and disappointment with a future that has ceased to exist. In this way, it is normal for the person to whom they have been unfaithful to feel lost.

This is what can happen to us when we begin to be aware of the betrayal we have done to ourselves: we feel lost, not knowing what to do or how to act. We’ve been under the cover of a fictional character for so long that being ourselves makes us panic. 

We no longer know what we really want, or if we do it on our own initiative or because others expect it from us. It is like a fight between the character we have invented and our true essence; a complex battle that, if we carry it out properly, can bear powerful fruit.

Now, just because it is difficult does not mean that it is impossible. Making peace with our repressed identity is easier than with someone else. At the end of the day, who will never fail us will be our essence. So,  hold your hand and accept yourself just as you accept others.