Why Do We Justify Ourselves?

Often, we justify ourselves when having a conversation with someone, our speech is, above all, about giving reasons or explanations of why we do or do not do things. These reasons or explanations are intended to clarify our intentions or reasons, however, they become justifications or excuses, when they are too many, that is, when they would not be necessary, since the interlocutor is probably not interested.

Sometimes we even broadcast them to be calmer, since we worry about what they will think about us. Our fear of giving a bad image leads us on a large number of occasions to give unnecessary explanations. Maintaining a good appearance becomes such an important task that looking for justifications and excuses to look good becomes a challenge.

How are justifications different from excuses?

We justify ourselves when we do something and we give too many explanations. Whereas we use excuses when we have not done something and want to excuse our lack of action. But why do we do it?

Normally, we use justifications or excuses when we want to show confidence, or we want to give a good image of ourselves. However, without realizing it, we are showing our insecurity, looking to others for their liking or approval.

At that moment, doubt, uncertainty about what they will think and insecurity make us forget that we have the right to our own decisions, whether they please others or not, and we decide to make up or transform them in relation to the criteria that we believe others have.

How to stop doing it?

To stop justifying ourselves for what we do or excusing ourselves for what we have not done, it is important, in the first place, to make the decision with confidence. We can also review the reasons for the decision, feeling certain that we have the right to make our own decisions, even at the risk of being wrong.

That is, being authentic, being ourselves, very much in spite of others. Feeling free to be who we are and acknowledge our opinions and decisions. Each of us has our own criteria on certain aspects of life. In this way, as long as we do not attempt against anyone, we are within our right to act without giving explanations.

One of the assertive rights states that we have “the right not to justify ourselves to others. ” Although we can also find it written in other ways such as “the right to choose whether or not we want to give explanations.” We certainly have the freedom to make our own decisions without having to justify ourselves over and over again.

How to expose my reasons without being justifications and excuses?

On many occasions, when communicating a decision made, it is necessary and convenient to state the reasons for your position. In this case, expressing why you have made the decision does not have to be a justification or an excuse, for this you have to take into account :

• That the reason is clear, concise and concise.
• Get straight to the point, bluntly in your explanation.
• State the reason with security, forcefulness and as a certainty.
• Do not hesitate in the exhibition, or add uncertain reasons.
• That the explanation is relative to your decision, therefore, interesting for the other person.

Why do we justify or excuse others?

Justifying or excusing others is something we do frequently when we want to continue to maintain the image we have of the other person. Or, we want to get a third person to maintain a concrete image of the person we justify.

Sometimes we seek to maintain the image of a person, even if their behaviors do not match, because we need or depend on them physically or emotionally. And what are the consequences of justifying or excusing others?

The main consequence of justifying or excusing someone is that we will never have the real image of who the other person is. By justifying or excusing her, we continue to maintain the image of who we want her to be, without discovering the type of person she really is.

And this will lead us to suffer because who we want him to be is not who he really is, so disappointment and physical, psychological or emotional damage is inevitable, even if we justify or excuse it, suffering is guaranteed.

How to stop justifying or excusing others?

To stop justifying or excusing other people, we first have to learn to stop doing it to ourselves, with what this means for our self-esteem. This will make us feel  more confident and satisfied with ourselves. As a result of this, we will learn to know people by their actions, attitudes and behaviors, and not so much, by what they say or by what we need to believe about them.