Learn To Say What You Really Think

Assertiveness is a communication strategy based on saying things without attacking or submitting the will of the other, defending one’s own wishes and opinions. But saying what you really think, asserting yourself and without “stepping on” the other is not always an easy task. However, it is essential to establish healthy relationships and also to be happy to express your own convictions and defend your own rights.

Assertiveness is a form of conscious, direct and balanced expression whose objective is to defend one’s ideas, desires and feelings without harming or offending the other. To do this, it is necessary to have self-confidence and self-control, as well as to avoid being carried away by emotions.

In this article we are going to tell you the keys to say what you really want to say in an assertive way, respecting others and making yourself respect yourself. In many cases, saying what you really think saves a lot of trouble, especially when it comes to saying “no.” If you say it well, you will not have to repeat it again and others will respect you more.

Common Communication Mistakes: What Not To Do

If you want to be assertive, you must avoid these mistakes in your communication with others. Combined, these three points make communication with others extremely difficult:

•  Don’t say “I feel that” as a statement of your feelings or a statement about yourself. Example: I feel like you are a lousy listener when you interrupt me when I speak.
• Don’t accuse the other by guessing what you think they want to do. Example: I feel like you want to start a fight.
• Do not interpret the behaviors of the other. Example: I think you did not call me to go out yesterday because you are no longer interested.

Keys to Assertiveness: What You Should Do

To overcome the previous mistakes and to be able to maintain healthy relationships, avoiding misinterpretations, the following keys are very useful to learn to say what you think and so that the other knows what you want to say.

• Speak in the first person as many times as possible. The other will not get defensive and will maintain attention to see what he has to do to change without feeling attacked. The key is the description of your own feelings and why they have been triggered. Example: It hurts me that you haven’t asked me how my day has gone.
• Describe why you feel this way, what is the cause of your mood. It is not about accusing, but about explaining what happens to you when something happens clearly and without giving rise to misinterpretations. Examples: “I get scared when you yell”, “it makes me sad that you don’t say anything when I tell you about my problems” …

• Ask what you need to solve the problem. Without asking for what you want, you are only expressing your feelings, but you are not giving the other the keys to improve the situation. Assuming that the other knows what to do is a bad habit. Put the emphasis on how you feel and what the other can do to help you or improve. Example: “It hurts me that you haven’t asked me how my day has gone. I feel better when you care about me. ”…

The ABC of Assertiveness: Structure of Assertive Sentences

To communicate assertively, Harvard University Professor Craig Malkin proposes a simple communication structure: “ I feel A (feeling), when you do B (action). I would feel better if C (request). “

It seems easy, although it takes a little time to do it automatically. The good news is that it works. It only takes practice so that assertiveness when saying things is a daily behavior.