FOBU: Fear Of Breaking Up With The Partner
When a relationship brings more suffering than well-being or simply, love has died, the most logical thing is to end and turn the page. Now, it is not always easy to finish. There are people who experience real fear just by thinking about it. They suffer what is called FOBU, terror of breaking up with someone.
The acronym FOBU comes from Fear of breaking up (fear of leaving a relationship). It is a behavioral pattern that is repeated in people of any age and social condition, although it is true that generation Y or Millennial is more vulnerable to this phenomenon.
Tinder, WhatsApp or Instagram are the new platforms that are usually used to flirt. There are thousands of cases of couples who, in fact, have never met face to face.
This lack of physical communication is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it softens the blows; on the other, it makes young people more vulnerable. They take longer than their parents and grandparents to cope with certain vital traumas, which are necessary for proper mental and emotional development. Hence, these ages are more vulnerable to FOBU.
Why is FOBU produced?
FOBU is caused mainly by low self-esteem, the fear of being alone and ultimately, of starting over. When a relationship is toxic and we feel trapped, any attempt at independence is a world, despite suffering. If we have been involved in it for a long time, breaking with everything would mean a drastic change.
The routine we’re used to keeps us in a bittersweet comfort zone. Having a close relationship with your family and friends and thinking about ending it all destroys us. What will they think of us; with what face they will look at us on the street or think about never having contact with those with whom we have become fond are just some of our fears.
When a relationship ends, the person who takes the step often feels worthy and guilty of all the pain that the breakup causes. We hate hurting others, we feel like executioners, and we choose to punish ourselves for weeks. We also know that we too are going to suffer, and that scares us even more. Our life becomes a spiral of doubts and burdens, because we do not know how to face the problem.
Another of the great causes of FOBU is not knowing how to be alone. Needing the approval and presence of another in our life makes it impossible for us to consider ending it. We prefer to be unhappy and live a miserable existence, rather than face what we already know: that we no longer want to be with that person.
How can I beat my FOBU?
The only way to overcome FOBU is by standing up to the situation. Being brave is very difficult, but sometimes it is the only way to achieve our own happiness. It is useless for us to stay in a place where suffering is greater than well-being.
If the relationship has been healthy and true, but the flame of love has gone out, the logical thing is to be honest with the other person. Remember that you may no longer be in love, but one day you were. Therefore, the other deserves the maximum possible respect. Fooling him into believing that there is still love between you is, in addition to being cowardly, very selfish.
Now, if the relationship has been toxic and dependent, ending it is a priority for your mental health. Deserve to be respected, valued, and loved by people who feel the same way. Enslaving yourself to suffering and pain will only undermine your self-esteem and lead you to a dead end.
One way or another, keep in mind that doubts and regrets will assail you. Your life is going to change, and I will surely miss many things, especially the feeling of being accompanied, even if you have lived in a toxic relationship. There will even be days when you feel lonely and the idea of getting back with your ex comes to you, but it is not your heart that speaks, but the lack of habit.
Talk to a specialist
If the fear of being alone or breaking up with your partner begins to affect you abnormally, consult a specialist. You may have developed a pathology caused by a related traumatic event (previous breakups) or you need to improve your self-esteem.
Respecting and valuing yourself is essential in these cases. You need to love yourself enough to know how to end something that no longer fulfills you or does not do you good. What other people think should be irrelevant to you.
Decide and act
Don’t wait too long if you know you are a victim of FOBU. This feeling will catch you more and more and prevent you from making a decision.
Now, when you have finally decided to leave the relationship, keep in mind that the other may not react well. Either because you have broken his heart or because he wants to keep you under his dominion at all costs. The most important thing is that you protect yourself, especially in the latter case.
After communicating your decision, stay away from the other for a while. Although it may seem like an insensitive posture, it is necessary. Be mature and accept the consequences of your actions, but always know that the world is not ending. Perhaps this decision is the best that can happen to you.
