Sacrifices In Love: A Behavior That Wears Out

Sacrifices in love, the righteous. In a relationship with a partner, continuous sacrifices do not make love greater or more romantic; In fact, it’s the opposite. Continual renunciations wear down and erode, we are distancing ourselves from ourselves until we become something that we are not. Thus, in an affective relationship, more than the sacrifices, what matters are the commitments.

There is an old saying that says that “when they step on you, remember to complain . ” If you don’t, it is most likely that someone will take the pleasure of stepping on you: assume that it does not hurt. We could transfer this same idea to our relationships with our partners. We can all sacrifice for the other person at any given moment, in fact it is something normal and perfectly understandable.

However , no one can ignore that every sacrifice has a cost. Any resignation hurts. Any last minute change of plans is not pleasant. Any change of direction in our life course for the other person is not easy, and it also stings, sometimes it weighs and even hurts, but even so we do it from the heart because we are committed to the same project.

Now, if the other person does not appreciate or is not aware of the emotional (and personal) cost that each sacrifice implies, we will go astray. Confidence will slowly rust, until sooner or later reproaches will germinate. The ghosts of each resignation made will hurt excessively, because each piece of ours thrown along the way no longer comes back, it is lost forever.

Self-denial without borders in relationships is unhealthy. Dispensing, giving in, giving up today, tomorrow and in the past is a sad way of annihilating one’s self-esteem and shaping a substitute for love that is as painful as it is indigestible.

Sacrifices in love where is the limit?

It is often said that great loves, like great achievements, require sacrifice. No one has to deny it. In fact, if we were to go out into the street right now to ask, there would be many couples who could tell us about more than one resignation made by the other person, those who charted a new course in their lives and that undoubtedly were worth it: now they enjoy a full and happy present.

Now, there are sacrifices in love that are not admissible.  What’s more, there are many who continue to think to this day that the greater the resignation made by the couple, the more authentic and romantic that relationship will be. In these cases, it is as if love were some kind of ancient atavistic god to worship, an entity to self-sacrifice.

It is necessary to understand that not everything goes, that not everything is permissible. Regarding affective matters, one must not immolate oneself, because sacrifices in love should not be synonymous with self-denial, and even less build a pyre from which to launch one’s own values, identity and the heart of self-esteem. There are limits, there are contingency barriers that must be known.

Willingness to sacrifice is better than continued sacrifice

The psychologists Van Lange, Paul AM, Rusbult and Caryl E, Drigotas, conducted an interesting study that was published in the Journal of personality and social psychology . In it they showed that one of the variables that most predicted the commitment, stability and happiness of the couple was the willingness to sacrifice.

• That is, a person does not need their partner to be continually making resignations or assignments in their favor. What he values ​​is knowing that when the time comes, if there is some type of specific and extraordinary circumstance, the loved one will be able to carry out that sacrifice for him or her. 

• Knowing that in the most needy moments we will have that unconditional and absolute support from the other party, is what truly gives us security and satisfaction.

 Sacrifices in love and emotional debts

We all know that love involves commitment. We are also clear that sometimes, we are obliged to carry out the odd sacrifice so that this relationship has a future, so that it is consolidated as we wish. It is therefore a means to an end where the gains outweigh the losses, and where we also carry out that act with security and freedom because we understand that it reverts to both to grow as a couple.

Now, sometimes the sacrifice in love can become a debt. In fact, there are those who use it as a license for emotional extortion: “with everything I have done for you and you now are not able to renounce this”, “with the things that I have left behind to be with you and now you come to me with that selfish act … “

This aspect, that of debts, is a detail that we cannot ignore due to its dark essence. Because there are those who understand love in absolute terms and of course, extreme: I give you everything but you also owe me everything. These are situations in which we are also forced to sacrifice our own identity to make “I” a “we” and thus lose all hint of dignity.

To conclude, the sacrifices in love, better the just, punctual and justified. Because remember, in affective matters there is no reason to put aside who we are, there is no reason to erase what we value or what defines us.

We can do a lot for the loved one, we will even carry out the odd resignation … However, there are impassable red barriers, such as  giving in to blackmail or becoming something we are not …