Couple Breakup: How To Heal Wounds

It is a process that is not usually pleasant, but it is necessary to experiment to elaborate what happened and put an end to it to move forward.

The grieving process

• Denial.
• Rage.
• Sadness.
• Impotence.
• Empty.
• Acceptance.

The mourning for the breakup

Once the grief process is contextualized at a general level, below we are going to deepen from different points of view the grief due to the breakup of a couple, one of the most painful and costly processes, since it is the most intimate and close bond after the family.

How does someone who has not decided to leave the relationship cope with the breakup of a couple?

In addition, the person who has not decided to leave the relationship usually looks for logical answers. What happens is that, sometimes, the person who has made the decision does not know or cannot give a logical answer because it is more of an emotional nature, and there the logic is not usually present.

In this situation, it is important to pay attention to self-talk and not blame yourself. The person who “changes” is the one who leaves, the one who does not decide is the same. Therefore, it is not that it is worth less, but that something has moved in the other member of the couple to make that decision.

Of course, it is important to do something with the feeling of lack of control and with the thoughts of the type “I can not decide anything” as a result of that situation, because they are not entirely true. Because even if you can’t force or convince another person to stay in the relationship, there is something you can do: take care of yourself.

Crying, getting angry, complaining … are fundamental aspects to heal the wounds of the breakup, but also to pamper yourself, speak well and treat yourself better. Because even if you have not been able to take part in the decision to break up, it is possible – and recommended – to take responsibility for yourself and move forward. 

How does the person who has decided to end their relationship deal with the breakup?

This position is not easy, since reaching this conclusion usually takes doubts and time. In addition, expressing it to the other person, the one with whom you have had that affection and involvement, is complicated, since there is the fear of hurting him.

The person who decides to break the bond tends to feel a lot of confusion : “What if I regret it?”, “What if what I do is not correct?”

However, there are no right or wrong decisions. The “good” decisions are those that are made being consistent with what you feel and need. Thus, if at that moment you believe that the decision is beneficial for yourself, it is what counts. We have to prioritize ourselves.

In this case, also

Keys to managing the breakup of a couple

These keys serve both for the person who has made the decision and for the person who has not. These are small tips that facilitate the elaboration of the duel and favor closing the stage that corresponds to that relationship.

• Generate new memories. A common fear is to anticipate how we will feel on important dates without the partner: birthdays, Christmas, holidays, anniversary … It is normal that we are sad, the strange thing would be to be well immediately, since we would not be going through the grieving process. However, it can be an opportunity to experience those moments in other ways. 
• Do not accept the advice of everyone if we do not want to. With the best intention, our loved ones advise us from their point of view, but a breakup is a very subjective process that not all of us live the same, so it is good to listen, but when deciding it is we who have the last word based on our needs. No one knows better than us what is best for us to heal those wounds.
• Spend time alone. To order both thoughts and emotions it is necessary to spend time with ourselves when we need it. If we fill the day with social plans, we may be putting on a patch to avoid suffering … and this does not suit us. It is necessary to go through the phases of anger, sadness, helplessness and emptiness to reach acceptance. Now, this does not mean isolating yourself and in addition, it is also advisable not to spend all day thinking about the same thing.

• Be honest with ourselves and choose people who provide us with what we need at all times. If we want a deep conversation, let’s go with that friend with whom we know we will be able to have it. If, instead, we prefer to disconnect and go for a drink, let’s call that person more fun. What is not recommended is to expose yourself to situations that may be difficult to tolerate.
• Rotate questions. Instead of asking ourselves, “ What is my ex-partner doing? “Better to ask ourselves” what do I need to do now to be better? ”. This aspect is important because we tend to try to find out or check if our ex-partner is better or worse without us, but this only hurts us.

We cannot forget that it is time to look for ourselves, for our needs and for our new stage of life.