Possessive And Toxic Friendships: The Horror Of Living With Absorbing People

There are links that systematically weaken us. These are the possessive and toxic friendships. A relationship that we share with absorbing people and that ends up turning a genuine and valuable feeling into the source of horror.

Absorbent people drain us, weaken us, and suck our energy on a frequent basis. They do not leave room for the interests and needs that each person has individually. Probably when we recriminate their demands they say they are doing it for our good. They question whether our attitude is the right one and they handle our guilt at will.

These people may not want to consciously hurt us.  Maybe we too have become absorbent and toxic on occasion. Their selfish attitude can be explained by a chronic negative emotional state and a lack of self-esteem that they seek to supply in the only way they know how: by making the people around them their own.

How to Identify Emotional Predators

The constraint of our emotional and relational freedom works like predation. Potential emotional predators seek out the most appetizing people. These are, the people who are possessors of those characteristics that they envy: kindness, charisma, willpower, etc.

As we already know, to whom a good tree huddles, a good shade shelters him. For this reason, these possessive and toxic friendships approach the good essence of their friends, making up their performances with true friendship as a flag.

But true friendship is not one that prevents us from growing, but one that nurtures the balance and well-being of all members. Thus, we can know that a good relationship is NOT:

• Emotionally abusing others.
• Manipulate others to achieve individual interests.
• Taking advantage of the trust inherent in the ties that bind us to people to leave them without emotional breath.
• Having sporadic gestures of kindness that try to repair the unhappiness caused.
• Criticize fiercely those issues that do the most damage.
• Withdraw the support for convenience.
• Promote emotional dependence.
• Remember past mistakes and use blackmail as a tool.
• Not taking responsibility for our actions.
• Humiliate and ignore in a subtle way without the common environment of the victim understanding it as such.

• Feeling jealous for the other person’s well-being with others.
• Diminish the development potential of others.

A game of masks

There are vampires of all ages and conditions.  There are possessive and toxic friendships on every corner. They are usually people close to us. They use their power and cunning to satisfy their need for manipulative action. In this way they obtain the socio-affective nutrition that they demand so much.

The more masked they are, the more dangerous they are. They may be friendships of years and that the intensity of the lived experiences prevents us from seeing the diseased tree in a lush forest.

Likewise, in discussions and disputes they only give in when they know they can get a greater benefit. They skillfully handle the “and you more” and the “you remember when… now it’s your turn” . That “it’s your turn” is usually an even bigger concession than the previous one.

Complicated relationships

They have difficulty accessing a direct confrontation, so they run away when something bothers them and does not suit their interests and ego. In addition, they tend to dress their reactions with a dramatic emotionality.  In the same way, he ends up locking them behind bars of compulsion, causing a repetition of his absorbing stratagems.

But pretty, healthy friendships are the complete opposite of possessive and toxic friendships. They are the ones that give us wings to fly and reasons to stay, they are the ones that enact sensitivity and emotionality in a balanced and genuine way.

Remember that it depends on your ability to identify them that they do not catch you or the people around you. Flee from the daggers disguised as friendship and always seek balance, because of that I assure you that you will not regret it. Stay away from whoever keeps you away from you.

Learn from toxic and possessive friendships

Having someone toxic around is not always so negative. Yes it is true that we must stay away, however, we can also learn something. Although it seems surprising, they can teach us, for example, patience. When the attitude of a friendship robs us of a lot of energy, trying to remain patient and calm can be a good learning.

Another learning is compassion. What do we mean by compassion? In observing that person and understanding that his behavior arises from a suffering that we do not understand. When someone is toxic there is an underlying cause that makes them be this way. Understanding it will make us see it differently. In this way, we will know that their words and their way of being is caused by a not very correct learning history.

If we want to go a little further, we can learn about love. We can try to help this person and try to open his eyes about his behavior. Normally, there is no more blind than the one who does not want to see. Nor is it easy to make someone aware of their behavior. However, this does not mean that we try to make your life a little happier.