How To Praise Someone Correctly According To Science

How to praise someone the right way? Sometimes we overdo it. Others, we fall short and sometimes the message is not understood correctly. Exalting the qualities of a person is a difficult art that not everyone knows how to carry out. What’s more, many of us have experienced in our own skin that attempt by some to praise a task carried out and in doing so, what we experience is discomfort.

Moreover, it is common to distrust, to think that of “he will say the same to everyone” or “surely what he has said is false”. We are skeptical by nature or, even worse, there are times when we do not feel worthy of that positive reinforcement, that verbal caress. However, it must be done. You need both to accept compliments and to know how to offer them.

This is what science tells us about it.

Keys to praising someone correctly according to science

When it comes to praising someone correctly, you have to achieve two goals: make that reinforcement credible and that it is enriching for the person. Let’s think, for example, how important this type of validation is in children. If we apply them constantly and without meaning, the child will stop trying to receive them and they will lose their value.

Thus, the first key that we must follow is simple: a compliment should be given when the circumstance so demonstrates it. We must not fall into excess and still less into laziness or indifference. If a friend, employee, coworker, partner or someone close makes a merit, let us know. Let’s give it our proper recognition.

Let’s keep some tips in mind.

A compliment is a powerful social tool, but it should not be abused

We have just pointed it out, in a matter of “verbal caresses” less is more. We say this for something very specific. A compliment is a social tool that allows us to get closer to people. In this way, there are those who, by the mere fact of “falling well” or gaining the trust of someone, do not stop emitting positive reinforcements.

It is not appropriate, this behavior generates distrust. There are many ways to connect to each other, but resorting to the classic strategy of “throwing flowers” ​​without rhyme or reason is not the right thing to do.

Always in private

To praise someone correctly you have to do it in private. Both positive reinforcements and specific criticisms should not be made publicly and in the eyes of all. Let us ensure that that moment in which we tell someone that we admire them or that their work is exceptional is in privacy.

It is also important to choose the right time. There are moments more suitable than others for this type of conversation.

Know the personality of whom you want to praise

Research papers, such as those carried out at the Universities of College Roosevelt and Utrecht, the Netherlands, recall something important. To praise someone correctly, we must know the person to know how to give that positive reinforcement.

This was the conclusion reached by seeing that praise was not useful in the entire sample investigated (high school students in this case). It was found that some students did find it useful: their performance improved. However, in others there was no change.

This shows us that each individual processes these positive gestures in different ways. There are those who do not give it importance and others believe they do not deserve them. Thus, so that the message reaches them correctly, we try to know how to get it to be credible and useful.

How to Praise Someone the Right Way: Be Specific and Direct

Avoid tricks, elaborate words and long speeches. To praise someone in a correct way, be direct, sincere and close. Try to shape that emotional connection with which to reach the other person not only with the message, but also with the looks, with non-verbal communication.

The quality of the message: always in the first person and with positive words

“I admire you and I am proud of you”, “I think your work has an exceptional quality”, “I was delighted that you did this” … Another key to praising someone correctly is to use the first person and always resort to to positive words, avoiding terms such as “but”, “no”, “although”, etc.

Self-praise is also important

There is a curious aspect when it comes to praise. Research works such as those carried out at the University of Bielefeld (Germany) indicate that, on average, we give more truth to criticism than to praise from others. In some way, we do not always believe those positive reinforcements from others, but on the contrary we are more sensitive to a specific criticism.

The truth is that it would be appropriate and advisable to leave more space for verbal caresses and celebrate them. We are all deserving of these reinforcements and for this, nothing better than to start by praising ourselves. Learning to value our progress, successes and virtues is a way to strengthen values ​​and self-esteem. There is nothing selfish about it.