Middle Childhood And Its Transition To Co-regulation

Middle childhood comprises the period between 6 and 11 years of age. At this point, many of the parents still do not get used to the change that this stage implies, both in the physical and emotional aspects, and therefore in parenting.

One of the most frequently seen problems lies in the fact that the child begins a transition towards co-regulation. In other words, parental control over children’s behavior is affected, and now both father and son share power.

It sounds harsh, I know. But let’s not rush, let’s not start crying or praying to cope with this “hard blow” that represents nothing more than another period that will take your child to the maturity necessary to effectively face the next stages in his life. It is not about your child becoming an autonomous, self-sufficient adult. It is about your child, becoming a child capable of facing the challenges and difficulties that arise in his life, according to his age and level of maturity. It is about the father who, before directly intervening in his son’s problems, intervenes in the child’s upbringing.

Thus, there comes a change in the way of handling discipline with children; which is conducive to allowing the child to know that, due to their age-specific level of mental maturation, each thing they do and each decision they make will bring with it a consequence that they must face.

So how do I do it?

One of the initial recommendations is the use of inductive techniques. In them, the child is questioned, or situations are raised that he himself has to solve, so that the expected reasoning is obtained. Thus, you can appeal to your self-esteem and values, while making it clear to you how your actions can affect other people (cause-effect):

EXAMPLE:

Your child takes the crayons and begins to scratch the walls of the house (sound familiar?).
– “By drawing on the walls of the house you make us feel angry and sad” (cause-effect).
– “What happened to the obedient and orderly boy who uses his notebooks to draw?” (appeal to their self-esteem).
– “A 6-year-old boy takes care of the places where he is so that they are always beautiful for everyone” (appeal to his values).

Have you tried any of these techniques and given up because you did not get the expected results immediately? It is necessary to remember something: how many times did you have to review the reading for your final exam? How many times do you perfect in your mind what you will say in an exhibition? The parenting path does not vary in any way from the rest of the teaching-learning methods.

Always keep in mind that, more important than the simultaneous result of your interventions, is the way in which both (parents and children) resolve conflicts. Rest assured that this will determine how they will achieve it in the future.

The results?

A child capable of making decisions based on a previous judgment of his alternatives, capable of facing the results of those decisions (without fear), and learning from them, whether they are right or wrong.

“ It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men ” –Frederick Douglas.