Sometimes Being Strong Is Not A Personal Choice, But The Only Option
Sometimes life puts stones in our pockets so that we can descend to the harshest reality. That is when there is no other option but to be strong, combine armor with sword, act intelligently and harness the energy of a stainless heart. However, sooner or later integrity fades, breaks, runs out …
When we read a classic we know almost instantly when doom begins to overshadow. Reading Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens means waiting for that moment when that crack that alters everything arises, that fold that contains and changes everything. As seasoned readers that we are, we know how to anticipate even when betrayal, cheating, error or tragedy will be unleashed.
Yet in the less literary and more edgy setting of our lives, we seldom anticipate that the natural course plots some subtle vengeance against us. Few of us manage to anticipate, when we move in a straight line focused on our dreams, tasks and projects, that destiny has another plan: to open a trapdoor under our feet to whisper to us that “now we have to wait, now your illusions are (at least) postponed” .
No one ever explained to us what is called adversity; in fact, she introduced herself, in the first person, as a teacher. Many of us were raised on the promise that whoever tries hard gets rewarded; that if you love, take care and attend, they do not abandon you; that if you trust, good things come. However, life sometimes has a poorly calibrated compass, the kind that does not mark north, the kind where we are forced to go the longest, hardest and most complex road … where there is no other option. than to be strong (or at least seem so, so that fate is scared and downgrades the “muí”).
Yes, the strong person is more at risk of suffering from depression
Today, there are many self-help books and personal growth articles obsessed with teaching us what the 7, 8 or 12 characteristics of “strong” people are. There is a misconception that weakness or vulnerability inevitably leads to mental illness. Thus, following this line of argument, being “mentally strong” will allow us to weather, avoid and effectively defend ourselves from anxiety disorders or that dysthymia that traps us and that hardly lets us escape.
Everything has nuances, let’s not forget: people used to being strong are those who have the greatest risk when it comes to developing depression. Take, for example, caregivers who care for their dependent family members.
Let us also think of the father or mother of a family whose spouse is unemployed and has multiple responsibilities on his or her shoulders, even beyond economic ones. Let’s think, why not, of the many professionals who occupy and care about their lives helping others, disadvantaged groups, children with problems, women who suffer abuse …
Often, we fight to stay strong for others, to offer the best version of ourselves and thus confer security, solvency, efficiency, closeness, hope and positivity. However, we do not realize that what we often do is “act”, follow a role that we end up believing ourselves; yes, without knowing that we are betraying ourselves.
If being strong is your only option, allow yourself to accept your own vulnerability
We all have it clear, in the book of our lives there are also epics, there are also challenges that we did not ask for, tragedies that were given to us and tests of courage that we are obliged to overcome. However, in this day-to-day narrative where we are often seen as heroes because we can with everything and where we dare not issue a complaint or a tear,.
If being strong is your only option, accept your vulnerability, because vulnerability does not bring weakness, but the awareness that sometimes we need to stop and simply take a deep breath. Being strong is not ignoring anger or contradiction, it is not forgiving ten and one hundred times what hurts until you lose your dignity. Being strong is not either acting harshly, imposing one’s own perspectives to create authoritarian environments in order to maintain control over what surrounds us.
In reality, what makes us weak is hiding our own “I” from the world. If we care exclusively about maintaining our shining armor to appear effective, strong and the appearance that we can do everything and more, we will progressively increase that insurmountable distance between what “I am” and what “I show”, between what “ I offer ”and what I really“ need ”at any given moment.
Thus, one way to make use of that resilient key that opens the door of our self-esteem is to reveal ourselves as genuine beings at all times. Because one can be strong, but at the same time capable of asking for help when needed. Because it is not less strong who at a given moment favors emotional relief to join forces …
To conclude, being strong in a world where the value of vulnerability is not yet understood undoubtedly hinders our ability to promote that psychological well-being that our true heroes need. Those who take care of others, those who at one point were forced to face adversity without anyone warning them before life is sometimes much harder than what the books explain to us …
Images courtesy Sofía Bonatti
