The Fear Of Love
Have you realized that you have to consciously allow someone else to love you? Otherwise, many problems may arise because you will be on the defensive, accompanied by mistrust and fear in your relationships. Specifically, from fear of love.
By nature, we tend to run away from what scares us, and in love it is no different. If you are not used to being loved, your default position may be to push people out of your “bubble.” Why are there people who are afraid of love? There are several reasons for this, which we will delve into in this article.
10 reasons why you are afraid of love
Understanding these reasons is the key to ending fear of relationships. Here are ten reasons why you might be afraid of love and how you can overcome it. Find out why you can’t accept the love you receive.
1. When someone loves you, they will leave you
If you have been dumped in the past, you may anticipate that the person who loves you right now will also leave you. That may be the origin of the fear of love. Of course, you shouldn’t blindly trust people who haven’t shown commitment, but thinking that everyone will act the same is not a good way to go.
The key here is to move slowly. Share your concerns at the right time and pay attention to signs of commitment and loyalty.
A good idea may be to write down the signs of lack of commitment that you observe or talk to your partner about them. Keep your feet on the ground and keep moving slowly.
2. When someone loves you, they will expect a lot from you
In general, in a relationship both parties expect love and commitment from the other. There are even people who do certain things hoping to receive something in return later. In these cases, the issue of expectations takes on special prominence.
It’s important to remember that expectations can be a healthy part of a relationship at times. However, it can be difficult to carry them well, since reality may be different than what we thought. Every relationship is different. Again, this is a concern to share with your partner and reach an equitable agreement.
On the other hand, we must not forget that excessive expectations in the couple could indicate that instead of love, we feel attachment. With attachment we place our happiness in the hands of the couple and we “demand” them to make us happy. With love we are the ones who ask ourselves what we can do to make our partner happy.
3. When someone loves you, they will know too much about you
Sometimes showing how we are to others can make us feel vulnerable. This anxiety is a major block to intimacy. Discovering ourselves before the other, both with our positive and negative aspects, can be a risk if we think that our negative characteristics can cause the other to abandon us.
Again, this problem could be summed up in the fear that the loved one will decide to leave us. However, this fear runs deeper, as it considers that the cause of our abandonment is the way we really are. This belief, which indicates a great lack of self-esteem, has to be eliminated before you can have a meaningful relationship.
But this does not stop being expectations that prevent the mutual exchange of the joys and sorrows of life, increasing our fear of love. If you do not discover yourself with authenticity towards the other, he will not be able to know you, nor accept you in your totality. If someone wants to be with you, they will love you just the way you are.
4. When someone loves you, they will disappoint you
This belief is somewhat complicated because it is true that our partner is going to disappoint us at times. Nobody lives up to all expectations. People make mistakes, they are lazy to act in certain ways, they are afraid and they forget their priorities. You will too.
Get ready for this. A great way to deal with disappointment is to let your partner know where your limits are, what your situation is, and how you feel. Communicate with respect. From there, you can negotiate what happens next. Why deny your disappointment and not give your partner the opportunity to do things differently?
5. When someone loves you, your feelings will hurt.
It is true that on many occasions in a relationship we will feel bad or frustrated. But expressing pain in anger or resentment will get you nowhere.
It is much easier to express the damage when it occurs. That is, we must communicate to our partner what made us feel bad and see together how to solve what happened. Anger, resentment or rage will only increase our discomfort.
Of course, at the same time it is necessary that we take responsibility for our own emotions. Expecting our partner to make our negative feelings disappear as if by magic is something not only unrealistic, but generally harmful to our relationships and our self-esteem.
6. When someone loves you, they will control you
If you are used to being controlled, you can attract people to control you. By acknowledging this early on and being mindful, you can be more alert when starting a new relationship. If instead, you are already in a controlling relationship, then you can start thinking about yourself.
But, if you still don’t know if control is an important part of your relationship, you can ask yourself some questions to appreciate it : Do you always say yes? Do you act helplessly? Do you postpone things or invite intervention? how good are you at making independent decisions?
Remember, if you are not available to be controlled, then you cannot be controlled.
New technologies have introduced a new form of control. So you can also start wondering if your partner controls your accounts on social networks, your conversations, your passwords … The Government of Spain launched a campaign in 2017 to avoid and prevent this type of control in the couple. It is important to remember that we do not have the obligation to give this information to anyone, not to our partner.
7. When someone loves you, they will limit you
We can also think that, when we embark on a relationship, the other person will limit us. And in fact, there are relationships in which this situation is a fact. But when we unite with another person, the meaning is not to decrease, but to grow together.
That’s why limiting yourself is the only thing that makes you someone’s property. And nobody, belongs to nobody. Respecting yourself is the most appropriate. Things do not have to be as we think, nor do they have to be done our way, we must leave freedom to the other and communicate.
8. When someone loves you, your family will reject them.
Of course, there is a chance that one or more of your family members does not like your partner. And now that? Listen to their side of the story, not bad. But then, take into consideration your choice, your degree of satisfaction and how you feel.
The worst thing you can do is insist on not being with someone, just because your family disapproves. Each person is free to choose with whom to share their life.
9. When someone loves you, you will lose your friends
Perhaps the time with your friends will be reduced when you have a relationship. But you don’t have to lose them, this is a matter of priorities. You will have to spend less time with them, however, you will not lose them, if they really are your friends.
Being afraid of losing your friends doesn’t have to be a problem if you know how to allocate your time. Even if you feel like it, you can share moments with your partner and friends together.
10. When someone loves you, you will lose yourself
Everything is a question of limits. How can you be in a committed relationship and not lose yourself? When you commit to another person, we become one with that person. A healthy relationship adds an element to who you are, it does not subtract. Being with another person should not imply losing or diluting your identity, but growing, being yourself and even discovering aspects of yourself that you did not even know.
Perhaps it is better to suggest that you become a team. You are one person with another person. You work together, you negotiate, you respect each other and maintain your individuality for all things.
Evaluate what your fear is, fight it and fully live love. Everyone needs to be loved and happy.
