When The Couple Separates Us From Friends And Family

When the couple separates us from friends and family, they build over us a prison with invisible and painful bars. It is often a subtle but progressive isolation. We may tell ourselves that this is love, that nothing is as romantic as living for each other exclusively … However, little by little we discover how this fence is stripping us of our entire support network.

We know that the subject is not new. We understand that talking about the problem of partner control is perhaps a very repetitive topic. However, the problem is still there. It happens every day regardless of age, status, or culture. It is something recurrent and it is intensifying more frequently among the younger population; among our teenagers.

The patterns of intimate partner violence are not always as clear-cut as we think. Abuse, after all, is not limited to just a hit, an insult, an assault that one can instantly identify by the damage it generates.

There are muted dynamics just as troubling that are often mistaken for love. They are subtle tactics exercised by excessive control, by that supervision of mobiles, of always being aware of who we see, with whom we speak and for how long.

As striking as it may seem, its devastating effects do not make this type of poisons more visible. Moreover, there are those who justify them, who see in that need for control a show of love, concern and sincere affection.

Now, we must be clear that these realities are traps, traps that are placed under the cloak of Machiavellianism and psychological abuse that leaves thousands of victims every day.

When the couple separates us from family and friends, how does it do it?

When a person isolates their partner from their environment, they usually do so gradually. Thus, when the couple separates us from family and friends, they do so through an arsenal of techniques and tools that we will not be aware of at first: there will be other interpretations for their way of acting that we will tend to accept as good first. And that is the biggest problem.

So let’s look at some of those strategies.

Emotional manipulation

One of the most common ways to shape isolation is emotional blackmail. Love becomes conditional and requires a series of tests that must be met and demonstrated.

With phrases such as “it is clear that you like spending more time with your friends than with me” , the fact is dropped that “if you love me, you must stop seeing your friends so much”.

Guilt as a tool

The use of blame is directly linked to emotional manipulation. However, it should be noted that this type of ruse is the “queen” of the psychological fabric of abuse.

The burden of the fact that the loved one blames us for neglecting him, for not taking him into account, for belittling him, for not spending time on him, etc., ends up generating an obvious impact.

Little by little, that cognitive dissonance is created where we assume those ideas to stop suffering, so as not to experience contradiction. We give in and little by little we see much less of our own so that we stop feeling the weight of guilt.

I have the right to supervise your life because you belong to me and I belong to you

When the couple separates us from family and friends, they place the cage of love above us. Everything he does and says is the result of that damaging, disabling, and destructive love.

This is something that we must be very clear about. Because whoever controls and isolates what they seek is to possess us exclusively, to limit our reality so that our world has only four walls : those contained in the home and in that person.

This means that the typical phrases of “ you are mine”, “we are one”, “your world is mine” or “you belong to me and I am yours” are not lacking . These expressions may initially arouse passion and fascination, but it is a very dangerous mirage where supervision will soon appear for everything we do, we say, for everything we wear and, above all, for what we do in our mobile and social networks.

Mental and emotional exhaustion

Dr. Tyrone C. Cheng, from the University of Alabama (United States), conducted a study on how violence and psychological abuse impacted on the person. Factors such as isolation, something sadly common in this type of relationship, left the victim in a highly vulnerable position.

Let’s think that all of a sudden, all that support network that it used to have is put aside. When the couple separates us from friends and family, we lose that part of our identity that is shaped by the people we love.

Our support is lost, sources of support, listening, leisure, companionship, emotional contact are restricted … All of this is devastating and it is common for an anxiety disorder or depression to appear.

However, the most striking thing is exhaustion. The person is in continuous struggle and contradiction. You must take care of every aspect of your life so as not to contradict or harm the controlling partner, identity, self-esteem and even dignity are lost. They are states of great wear and tear that takes a long time to recover.

Moreover, in case the person finds strength (and his environment takes responsibility to act in his aid) and that harmful relationship is ended, the process to recover and “rebuild” emotionally and psychologically is slow and delicate. It takes time to rebuild each lost value, each manipulation suffered.

To conclude, when the couple separates us from family and friends, it is necessary to act. It will make us doubt ourselves, it will put on us the weight of guilt, the shadow of fear and the constant feeling that we do not love our partner enough.

Let’s not be fooled, because authentic love does not cause that pain, it does not set conditions and leaves space to be, to grow as a person and to continue cultivating ties with those who are significant and loved to us.